POEM: CHOCOLATE

Little Brother entered house
said he found
some chocolate
delicious chocolate
covered from head to foot
in sticky brown
beautiful chocolate
heavenly chocolate
licked his fingers
one to ten
melted chocolate
that sweet chocolate
a dreadful smell around
just like a dog pen
nothing like chocolate
it wasn’t chocolate!

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POEM: SNACK TIME RAP

Bogey, bogeynosepick
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

Up my nose
I mustn’t linger
Scrabbling around
With my finger

Bogey, bogey
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

Your nutritional value
Is in doubt
As out my nostril
I pop you out

Bogey, bogey
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

Part of you wobbles
Just like jelly
That’s the part
I stick on the telly

Bogey, bogey
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

Over my tongue
You slicker
Your sliminess
Makes you slicker

Bogey, bogey
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

A tasty snack
Just up your nose
All can enjoy
One of those

Bogey, bogey
Nice and green
Why about you
Is mum so mean?

WRITING TIP 1: How To Be A Better Writer

Children often ask me, “Oi, mister! Why do you have that onion on your head?! You look stooopid!” (says the boy with his bum hanging out of his trousers).
And sometimes they say, “How can I be a better writer?” and so I tell them the most important rules in the world.

Rule 1, I say, is READ.

Rule 2, I say, is READ.

Rule 3, I say, is READ.

Rule 4, I say, is READ.

   By the time I get to Rule 100 they’ve normally wandered off. Odd.
Now, you’re probably thinking: well, it’s ok for you to say that but how do you know it’s the most important rules in the world and works?

   Well, when I was school, in the age of black & white, I didn’t really bother to read much. Right up to Year 6. And if you tried reading one of my stories (usually about Snoopy going on adventures or aliens) you would have probably given up after the second sentence. Almost every word was spelled wrong and it didn’t really make sense.

   How was this fixed?

   I got the reading bug. I found a book I enjoyed and read it four times in a row! After that I began reading everything! Back of cereal packets, ingredients on packets, signs and posters, comics, newspapers…Soon I became such an addict that I held the World Record for the Worst Newspaper Boy Ever!!! I would read every different newspaper and magazine I had to deliver. I took so long people were having supper before they got their paper.
   So that’s Writing Tip 1: Read, Read, Read to become a better writer!

POEM: What’s That Noise?

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What’s that noise outside?
Bounding from the tree
What’s that noise outside?
Making me want to flee.

What’s that noise in the garden?
Slinking through the grass
What’s that noise in the garden?
I hope it does not last.

What’s that noise by the back door?
Clawing at the window
What’s that noise by the back door?
I wish it would just go.

What’s that noise in the kitchen?
Sneaking across the floor
What’s that noise in the kitchen?
With sharp teeth and claws.

What’s that noise in the hallway?
Slithering up the stairs
What’s that noise in the hallway?
I wish it was not there.

What’s that noise on the landing?
Creeping in the night
 What’s that noise on the landing?
Giving me a fright.

What’s that noise in my bedroom?
Leaping on my bed
What’s that noise in my bedroom
It’s …..my cat Winifred!